im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
