i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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