if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
