Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize