I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
