there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
