I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
