well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
