anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
