THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
