So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
