A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
