Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
