I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
