she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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