if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
