I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
