i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
