last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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