After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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