Plan B is the new Plan A
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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