I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
