If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
