At least make sure they are 18
Why
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
