Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
