I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
