Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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