If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
