You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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