My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
