Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just tell him i said nine months
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
