he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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