Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize