Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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