2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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