I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
