I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
