Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
