it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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