; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
