You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
