So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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