Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
