Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
