and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
