I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
