I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
