you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize