First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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