omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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