pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
