Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
