Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize