i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
