I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i have herpe
just one?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
