Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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