You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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