My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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