Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
