Four minutes until I can fart!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
