Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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