I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
