I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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