now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
