The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
