I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
