im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
