did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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