Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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