Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
