I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
