sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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