I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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