The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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