I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
