Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize