There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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