turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
