ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
