This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
