I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
