doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
