do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
