Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
