hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
